I have been married for 24 years… I know, I know – people don’t live that long
The truth is, I’ve lived longer with my husband, then I have ever been on my own. Yet every day I discover something new about myself or him. We are, after all perfect mirrors for each other. Learning together has been an amazing journey full of challenges, ups/downs, lots of love and pleasure. I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Has it been difficult to keep the relationship spice going for so many years? Of course. However, I’m the type of person who gets bored easily. Therefore, I need to invest time/energy into making sure things are fun and new…
Throughout our 24 years together (few last ones practicing Polyamory) I have learned an enormous amount of techniques to keep the relationship deep, communication going and sex – spicy.
Below are 6 tips on keeping the relationships strong, resilient and spicy:
- Understand that we as humans have two opposing needs. First need is for stability & safety that helps us feel more emotionally connected and grounded. While the second need is quite the opposite one – it’s focused around unpredictability, spontaneity, novelty and excitement. The latter is what our sexual connection thrives on. Balancing out these two needs is the key to incorporating love and spice into the relationships. Think which of the above needs may be lacking in your relationship and give it a boost. Come up with a few ways of introducing novelty & spontaneity in. Watch my video about the Opposing Human Needs: https://youtu.be/-9arFkkq05Q
- Ongoing clear, non defensive communication is very important in resolving disagreements and letting the partner(s) know exactly how you feel or what you need as well as hearing their side of the story without judging it to be wrong or right. Next time you feel defensive, witness your reaction and take a few deep breaths. Discuss the issue when you feel more balanced. To learn more about the process of Non defensive communications, please follow this link: https://spiritsexlab.com/2017/02/16/connection-partner-communications/
- Becoming more self aware and realizing your own needs, fantasies and desires is highly important to keeping yourself happy and doing the same for your partner(s). Feel into your needs multidimensionally: body, heart, mind and soul. What is it that you’re dreaming about? Share with your partner.
- Being playful, resourceful and investing into the relationship dynamics makes sure the bond stays strong and exciting. Commit to a few hours each week by taking turns to come up with wonderful experiences for you and your loved one. Spend quality time together, deeply connect and notice the wonderful changes take place.
- Common intention is a great way to figure out couples’ priorities. Decide on what type of relationship you’d like to achieve moving forward. Each time a disagreement happens, come back to the common intention and make decisions in alignment with it. Read the blog post on strengthening the couple’s intention: https://spiritsexlab.com/2017/02/13/connection-partner-intention/
- And of course lots of playful exploration, energetic exercises and fun parties. Invest in having wonderful, silly, playful time with your partner. Enjoy!
Read more tips on staying connected here: https://spiritsexlab.com/?s=connection%3A+partner Would you like to get even more practical advice on how to renew your sexual spark? Join my Relationship Spice Webinar on October 27th